How to keep your head down

The blog that teaches people how to be shy and reserved

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Never buy something of which you are unsure of the price

If you wish to purchase or procure a particular item at your local, grocery or convenience store and said item has no price label DO NOT continue with the purchase. Put the item down and get a substitute, which is priced. Stubbornly insisting on buying the unmarked product will result in one of two attention-drawing, chin-raising, confidence-affirming, stranger-interacting scenarios: 1) You have to APPROACH A MEMBER OF STAFF and ask them how much the item is. This involved a lot of faffing on their part, a lot of time checking the item on the till, finding someone who does know, etc. They don’t want to do it, they hate you for asking them to do it, you don’t want to wait around, you hate them for not knowing and, most of all, you are the big, fat, centre of attention. You halt that member of staff in all that they were doing before you approached them. You become an INCONVENIENCE. Not just an INCONVENIENCE but one who is too paranoid to just commit to a sale. A massive sign, stating as such, appears above your head and everyone knows, everyone at the counter knows, everyone in the aisle knows, everyone in the store knows. You are no longer a grey and lifeless shadow to their world, you are no longer stuffing to the scene. You lose the power of invisibility and they see you. You also run the risk of, when said member of staff returns with the price, not being able to afford it anyway (or suddenly not wanting it anymore- this happens) and having gone all through that for nothing. Then, you must either leave the store, your head bowed in shame, or go and get the substitute, the very item you SHOULD have got in the first place. Needless to say, the whole affair will make people take note of you, it will make you a hassle. A bother. A nuisance. This is not the way to keep your head down in life.

Scenario two is for the real daredevils out there. The adrenaline seekers, thrill riders, hardcore, stone cold extreme stunt actors and quest goers: 2) Go to the till anyone NOT KNOWING THE PRICE OF THE ITEM. This is such a risky enterprise. Sure, it could be well within your price range. BUT IT ALSO MIGHT not be. It might be way outside. Uh oh. You’ll have to tell the cashier that you can’t afford it. They’ll be annoyed (have to cancel it on the till), angry (there’s a queue of people waiting and this is such a faff) but also, and worst of all, they’ll feel sorry for you and your pathetic budget. They might remember you, next time you go in the store. They might try and be nice and approach you, next time they see you. They might just bitch to their colleagues that you’re the person who took an item to the till and couldn’t pay for it. Either way, in their eyes, you are a someone, a person, a character in their story and they WILL recall you. Goodbye shopping anonymity.  Goodbye quiet cloak of obscurity. Farewell vague and lifeless personal projection. You only have yourself to blame.

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